CHANGE!

I guess you could say today is the end of an era for me. Or - depending on how long you've known me - I'm going back to where I started. Either way, I'm excited and anxious about the unknown.

Major changes bring major thoughts. As a co-worker and I were discussing the other day, it's funny how when we're young adults, change is fun, like: "I got a new job and I'm moving across country - away from everyone I know. Woo hoo!" Now, with more roots, ties and responsiblities, change is still fun, but has to be evaluated so much more carefully, because MY change affects more people than it used to.

At 40, I'm realizing that I have nearly as many work years behind me as I do ahead of me - fewer, if I'm blessed to retire early! So how do I make the most of these years that are left? Professionally - and personally - what mark do I leave? When they have my retirement party, will people be thinking: "Oh, I'll miss her" or "Geez - thank goodness she's FINALLY gone!"?

Well I'm obviously getting way ahead of myself. Gotta deal with change ... one day at a time.

A PEACEFUL MOMENT

I HAD to share this with all my sisters who live on the island of GUILT... in the sea of UNFINISHED PROJECTS... in the land of RUNNING BEHIND... in a world of NEVER GOOD ENOUGH:

I had a PEACEFUL moment last night!

I was sitting in the living room going through mail when I opened my new "Working Mother" magazine to an article about relaxing. You know, the articles you never have time to read! :) Well, I didn't read it, but I saw a photo of a woman relaxing/meditating on a sofa. So since I was sitting there, I decided to try it.

It's ADDICTIVE!!!

After a few moments of quiet with my eyes closed - I'm not kidding - my kids came running over: "Mommy, are you OKAY?!?!" I nodded. They went off to play. And I basked in my new addiction to .... quiet.

It wasn't so much that I was enjoying the quiet. It was more the settled feeling of being at peace with myself, at least for the moment. I thought: my house is (fairly) clean, my kids are fed and seemingly happy. I did a pretty good day's work. Stuff that's not done isn't killing me. I'm not all that bad after all!

I LIKE those moments! We ALL need one (or two, or ten) every day!

40s Parenting - take 2

I've been a parent of KIDS for nearly a decade now, so am getting the hang of it:

• "She wants Chuck E. Cheese - he wants Planet Fun" car fight? I can negotiate... WHILE driving!
• "Why can't I dress like my friends?" meltdown, 5 minutes before we leave for school? No problem.
• No homework... again? Uh huh.... sure....
• Clean up your ROOM - check! (I can do room inspection in my sleep now.)

And I've finally resolved myself to the fact that at 6 and 9, my days of seersucker overalls and cute frilly little dresses are over. (I still linger in the toddler sections of stores, and thankfully, I still have younger Godchildren to shop for!)

But the 40s now has me parenting an ADULT... and that's TOTALLY different. What do you say to "You're treating me like a KID!" Because my first thought is: well, you ARE my kid!

And then there was this weekend: hosting the boyfriend (friend? male friend?) and his parents! Now that was a new one! Actually, we had a wonderful time. We've known the family forever and they're all very, very nice. (No, I'm not exaggerating because his mom reads my blog!) It really was a great visit. It's just that the whole thing put me in a very different role, and had me observing things from a very different - and new - point of view.

Ironically, it all unfolded as my younger daughter celebrated her 9th birthday, and that whole "little girl" persona is fading. Yes, there are days when she wants to cuddle and be my little girl. But lately I'm noticing many more days with questions like: "Can I have a house key now?" ... "I can do it by myself" ... and "[long, whiny] Maaahhhm... you don't have to hold my hand!"

40 - still tons o' fun. Parenting in my 40s? Hmmm... the jury's still out. It's feeling like a whole new learning curve for me. 

40s Parenting

Is it easier - or harder - to stay one step ahead of your kids when you're in your 40s? I've been wondering.

Today my 8yo called after school asking to visit a friend's house. No problem, but it was the WAY she asked that impressed me. It was like she was building a case: "Mommy, can I go to my friend's house since I have no homework today - my teacher told you right?..." (So she was planning this in the middle of the school day... with her teacher... during standardized testing???) "And since it's not a church night... and since Grandfather's here..." Chores are done.... I'm not in trouble... I've been good this week.... etc. etc. I get it.

But I'm thinking, what's this conversation going to be like in a few years, when they're smarter and I'm more experienced, but more mentally drained too? Are my kids going to be able to 'outsmart' me?

"Mom, if you let me take your car to the mall, I'll fill it up with gas on the way and pick up your groceries on the way home. Actually, I can pick up my friends on the way in case I need some help. Oh - and can I stay out a little later... you know... since I'm running some errands for you... on my way back from the MALL?!?!"

I don't think I'd fall for that now... but 10 years from now???

I have 40-something friends whose kids are married adults, some even with children. Because so many of us waited into our 30s to have kids, many of us are hitting 40 still going to school plays and doing double-digit subtraction for homework every night after work.

And these kids are getting smarter and smarter. My 6-year-old knows how to operate the FIOS remote and all the TV accessories (DVD, etc.) , including recording and playing shows on the DVR. I sit down at the end of the night to watch an episode of "Law and Order" and have to scroll through all sorts of Disney and Nick shows I know I never recorded. Where did he learn that? We certainly never sat down and showed him. Granted, maybe we need to limit the TV time even more, but it cracks me up how he just sort of 'figured out' the electronic stuff.

Then again, I know a lot more than I did 15-20 years ago. It's harder for them to pull things over on me now.
Plus, 40s parenting is fun! Having lived a bit more, I feel like I enjoy appreciate my kids so much more than I would have in my 20s.

Your thoughts?

Middle Age?

At church the other day our pastor was noting how "middle age people - 40 AND OVER" need to be more cognizant of their diet and health. MIDDLE AGE?!?! Nobody told me 40 is MIDDLE AGE?

To me, middle age denotes couples who wear those matching shirts on their way to play tennis at the senior center. Or that lady in the grocery store parking lot wearing the polyester vest and coordinating floral knit top. Or people who read the obits or listen to those life insurance commercials and think: "Honey, do we need to call the 800 number and get that free brochure?"

That's NOT me!!!

But age, of course, is relative. My 80-year-old friends laughed when I told them I turned 40. They said: "You're still a spring chicken!" Yet I'm pretty convinved my 6-year-old thinks I'm ancient.

My pastor describes it this way: if the Bible promised you "three score and ten" (70 years of life)... then at 35, you're middle aged. Wow! That puts me on the other side of the hill!

But rolling downhill isn't so bad. Yes, you gain speed and momentum, but think about it: what's more fun on a rollercoaster? Going UP the hill, or the screaming, hands-in-the-air, tummy-in-your-throat experience going down the hill?

Or is that hands holding ON?

Either way, I'm at the top - 40 here I come!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

I'm 40.. NOT 42!

So just as I'm getting used to the big 4-0... some guy 'attempting' to flatter me goes and ups my age!

Last night... I'm standing in line for fast food when some guy - clearly ignoring or overlooking the 2 BIG FAT RINGS on my left hand - walks up to me with the lamest line imaginable: "I like your makeup." Then he proceeds to try to guess my age (always a bad idea) starting with.... 42!

I guess the shocked look on my face as I wondered 'What's taking so long for my order?!'.... sent him guessing in the other direction:

"Uh... I mean... 38? 39?" He tells me it was the makeup that made him guess high. What, 20-somethings don't wear makeup these days?

My GIRLS!!!

So turns out... most of my girlfriends have already hit the 40 mark, so I'm getting a lot of "congrats" and "welcome to the 40s" greetings. One who I love but have lost touch with in recent years (we each did cross-country moves) recently re-connected by email, and likes the idea I pitched of a girlfriends getaway. I just threw it out there, sort of half-seriously, but when she bit on the idea I thought: that's EXACTLY what I want to do to celebrate 40! So I'm hoping before the year's out you'll find my and my best girlfriends laid out at a spa somewhere laughing and just enjoying the wonderful-ness that only girlfriends can share.

My mom started an annual 'Girlfriends Getaway' when she turned 55 and boy has it taken off! We (yes - I'm one of mom's girlfriends!) have been everywhere from the beach to the mountains. One year we got caught in a blinding snowstorm trying to get up a mountain to the remote cabin where we were staying. (When I say 'remote,' think one-lane road to a dirt road... etc.) We ended up giving up our keys to a mountain guy - who I call my angel - to drive my car up the mountain in the storm!

Then there was the earlier mountain getaway where I had some of the best homemade cheesecake I've ever tasted. And the Myrtle Beach year where we kept wondering why all the Krispy Kreme donuts kept disappearing ('girlfriend' - we know who you are!!!)

My mom's friends are a great group - so diverse in age, lifestyles, geography... but alike in all the things that matter, like faith and family. I've had SO much fun on those trips, and hate that I missed this year's. But now I'm thinking, maybe it's time to start my own tradition with MY girls!

Look out girlfriends - Palm Springs here we come!!!